Disguising a mobile beer draft system is a handy trick for celebrations and parties where the legality of alcohol consumption is dubious In this over compensating world of leash laws and no no’s of all sorts, we must often revert to the mind set "the only rights you have are the ones you take for yourself".  Over zealous police, bureaucrats, and other petty tyrants have made many regions almost un-inhabitable by those who pay no heed to authority.  It is in the interest of freedom for all that I outline methods and practices for disguising a mobile beer draft system.  In the immortal words of the Beasty Boys  "You gotta fight for your right to PAAAAARTY! 

My first experience with disguised mobile draft beer systems was at the Berkeley Mardi Gras parade.  Mardi Gras isn’t too big in Berkeley, but even a little tiny Mardi Gras parade is better than none.  After all, "everyone loves a parade".  Especially one with FREE BEER.  Re-creating New Orleans in the uptight liberal (i.e., P.C.) town of Berkeley was a bit of a challenge, but many artist-brewers were up to the challenge.

The basic mechanism of most of the systems was either a shopping cart (pushed) or a bike cart (pulled).  These carts then had elaborate facades, each with a different theme.  One cart I saw was a gothic crypt theme, a gray, faux-concrete façade of a tomb.  Emanating from the doors of the crypt were black tentacles in a variety of sizes, and each tentacle had something different sticking out the end.  One was a fake rubber scorpion, a few were bones, and cleverly hidden in one tentacle was the beer tap.  Inside the crypt was a mobile beer draft system that was engineered with Cornelius kegs and a CO2 canister.  The crypt itself was locked, requiring a combination to access the on and off functions of the CO2 flow.  The lock, I can only imagine, must come in handy if the crypt puller was ever questioned by the authorities.  The beer contained within was an incredibly inebriating concoction fortified with an herbal extract.  It was called the Dead Horse Blend.

Another ingenious disguise for a mobile beer draft system was the "tank".  This float resembled a military tank as it rolled down the street, turret swiveling!  If one looked down the barrel, one was sure to meet with a delightful surprise - another beer tap…  This disguise is perfect for an armed forces day parade or for memorial day.  What better way to honor those who died in battle by celebrating the freedoms they fought so hard for?

So far, we have seen two methods for disguising a mobile beer draft system utilizing a method known as "Dazzle Camouflage".  This method makes the item that you want to hide so large and obvious that anyone who would question your beer drinking would never think to look there.  This process can be used in many facets of life, where reverse psychology is effective.  Also, the beer draft systems used have been fairly simple.  With the application of beer cooler, or jockey box technology, many more options for clandestine beer serving are possible.  Most jockey boxes can be easily mistaken for regular camping coolers, which leaves only the keg and CO2 canister to disguise. 

The most important aspect of disguising your mobile beer draft system is very simple however.  If you are in a zone where alcohol consumption is looked down upon, simply drink responsibly.  Beer is there to taste, to enjoy, not to simply guzzle in a never ending quest for oblivion.  By presenting a reasonable and friendly demeanor, you will most likely avoid being in a position of explanation.  Now, with this in mind, get ready for the parade!

_{Disclaimer: This is a theoretical article.  The author does not recommend or endorse any manner of illegal activity.}